Singing the early voting blues

I cast my general election ballot this past Monday, along withthe few dozen good people of Florida able to find electronic votingmachines that weren't spitting out the Daily Double results fromHialeah.

The biggest differences I see between me and the Floridians isthat I know how to fill out a ballot and I'm reasonably certain JebBush won't keep my vote from being counted. Plus, I'm rarelytroubled by hurricanes, shark attacks or sightings of KatherineHarris' silhouette against the moon as she takes her broom out for aspin. (With Congress in recess, she's avail-

able for Halloween parties.)

Of all the states giving early voting a try, it makes the mostsense in Florida. Everybody down there already eats dinner at 3:30,so why not give them an early bird voting special, too?

Pundits keep warning that

early voters will be out of luck if late-breaking events changetheir candidate preferences. And it's true. In fact, if a few morestates go for early voting, Republicans will have to start pullingSeptember surprises.

The worst thing about voting early by mail: I mistakenly stayedup all night watching for election returns. On the plus side, aftermaking three easy payments I will be the proud owner of a devicethat promises to cook a perfect pancake every time.

The best fringe benefit of voting early: I no longer have

to pay attention to what Wolf Blitzer's saying about the campaignon CNN, which allows me to become mesmerized by his lustrous beard.

Voting two weeks before Election Day also gave me time to reflecton how easy we have it in Washington. The biggest problem we facedwas picking single-party ballots in the primaries. But check outthese voting roadblocks thrown up by political hacks in otherstates:

That lamest of lame ducks, outgoing Palm Beach County, Fla.,elections supervisor Theresa LePore, followed up 2000's infamousbutterfly ballot with a "broken arrow" design this year. It requiresabsentee voters to select candidates by drawing a line between twohalves of, yes, a broken arrow. I guess filling in a bubble next toa candidate's name didn't seem avant-garde enough.

In Ohio, the secretary of state recently ordered counties to tossvoter registrations on paper lighter than 80-pound card stock. Hebacked away from the edict after public outcry, but not beforethousands of would-be voters had their registrations mulched. "Therecould be chaos on Election Day, and at the very least there is goingto be inconsistencies," Scott Britton, executive director of theLeague of Women Voters of Ohio, told the Columbus Dispatch. Whichleads me to offer Scott two tips: brush up on your subject-verbagreement rules, and consider how odd it is that you're a duderunning a League of Women Voters chapter.

Meanwhile, back in Florida, Broward County mailed absenteeballots that require 83 cents postage to return. But they went outwith envelopes calling for only 60 cents worth of stamps. Why didofficials do such an idiotic thing? "We already had the envelopes,so we decided to use them," a deputy elections supervisor told theMiami Herald. As the Herald's Dave Barry would say, I'm not makingthat up.

That last story included a Postal Service official's assurancethat all absentee ballots will be delivered in every stateregardless of the postage affixed. So I didn't even have to put astamp on my envelope? If only I hadn't voted so early...

Sennett's weekly take on the nation's alternative press airs onSpokane Public Radio. Hard 7 covers the culture of local politicsand the politics of local culture. Contact Frank at (509) 459-5288or altsourceradio@yahoo.com.

Singing the early voting blues

I cast my general election ballot this past Monday, along withthe few dozen good people of Florida able to find electronic votingmachines that weren't spitting out the Daily Double results fromHialeah.

The biggest differences I see between me and the Floridians isthat I know how to fill out a ballot and I'm reasonably certain JebBush won't keep my vote from being counted. Plus, I'm rarelytroubled by hurricanes, shark attacks or sightings of KatherineHarris' silhouette against the moon as she takes her broom out for aspin. (With Congress in recess, she's avail-

able for Halloween parties.)

Of all the states giving early voting a try, it makes the mostsense in Florida. Everybody down there already eats dinner at 3:30,so why not give them an early bird voting special, too?

Pundits keep warning that

early voters will be out of luck if late-breaking events changetheir candidate preferences. And it's true. In fact, if a few morestates go for early voting, Republicans will have to start pullingSeptember surprises.

The worst thing about voting early by mail: I mistakenly stayedup all night watching for election returns. On the plus side, aftermaking three easy payments I will be the proud owner of a devicethat promises to cook a perfect pancake every time.

The best fringe benefit of voting early: I no longer have

to pay attention to what Wolf Blitzer's saying about the campaignon CNN, which allows me to become mesmerized by his lustrous beard.

Voting two weeks before Election Day also gave me time to reflecton how easy we have it in Washington. The biggest problem we facedwas picking single-party ballots in the primaries. But check outthese voting roadblocks thrown up by political hacks in otherstates:

That lamest of lame ducks, outgoing Palm Beach County, Fla.,elections supervisor Theresa LePore, followed up 2000's infamousbutterfly ballot with a "broken arrow" design this year. It requiresabsentee voters to select candidates by drawing a line between twohalves of, yes, a broken arrow. I guess filling in a bubble next toa candidate's name didn't seem avant-garde enough.

In Ohio, the secretary of state recently ordered counties to tossvoter registrations on paper lighter than 80-pound card stock. Hebacked away from the edict after public outcry, but not beforethousands of would-be voters had their registrations mulched. "Therecould be chaos on Election Day, and at the very least there is goingto be inconsistencies," Scott Britton, executive director of theLeague of Women Voters of Ohio, told the Columbus Dispatch. Whichleads me to offer Scott two tips: brush up on your subject-verbagreement rules, and consider how odd it is that you're a duderunning a League of Women Voters chapter.

Meanwhile, back in Florida, Broward County mailed absenteeballots that require 83 cents postage to return. But they went outwith envelopes calling for only 60 cents worth of stamps. Why didofficials do such an idiotic thing? "We already had the envelopes,so we decided to use them," a deputy elections supervisor told theMiami Herald. As the Herald's Dave Barry would say, I'm not makingthat up.

That last story included a Postal Service official's assurancethat all absentee ballots will be delivered in every stateregardless of the postage affixed. So I didn't even have to put astamp on my envelope? If only I hadn't voted so early...

Sennett's weekly take on the nation's alternative press airs onSpokane Public Radio. Hard 7 covers the culture of local politicsand the politics of local culture. Contact Frank at (509) 459-5288or altsourceradio@yahoo.com.